Feelings
by nukagirl
Summary: It's not right what I'm feelin' Brothers ain't suppose to have this feelin's. But then why am I feelin' it? I should just tell him, but he wouldn't understand, Geez, I don't understand it. God, this life is just too confusin'. RaphxMikey. Turtlecest


Raph woke suddenly from a dream

Raph woke suddenly from a dream. The same dream he had been having for weeks now.

It was only him and Mikey in the same room. But Raph didn't notice what the room was like. He only saw Mikey.

Inches from his face, his mouth open slightly. His tongue showing. The heat of Mikey's skin, warming his whole body, but at the same time, sending shivers down his spin. Mikey's deep breathing. Their hands entangled.

They would come closer, their lips just touching, when Raph would wake.

Breathing deeply, Raph wiped the sweat away from his forehead and stood up.

He had been trying to avoid Mikey as much as possible. It just wasn't right what he was feeling. Mikey was his brother. Always has been, always will be.

Raph walked out of his bedroom and nearly bumped into Mikey. Raph almost immediately blushed and he cursed himself in embarrassment.

"Morning, Raphie boy" Mikey smiled in a cheeky voice. Raph put on a moody face and pushed past him.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the hammock" Mikey called after Raph. Raph felt his insides tingle at the sound of Mikey's voice.

It had been like that for a while as well. Every time Raph felt Mikey's soft, green skin or saw his cute smile, Raph would go Donnie-like red and his insides would go crazy. On more then one occasion, Raph had to excuse himself from practise because he had dot to close with Mikey during training, and Raph had to go to the bathroom to release himself.

But these feelings weren't natural. He shouldn't be feeling them.

Raph sighed and poured himself some cereal. As he dug into his cornflakes, Raph declared that he had to tell Mikey his feelings. He couldn't go on living like this, it was driving him crazy.

When Raph finished his breakfast, he walked out of the kitchen and saw Mikey reading comics with Klunk.

It was just the three of them in the lair because Master Splinter had taken Donnie to the farmhouse, away from technology, for a week. This was because Splinter believed that Donnie's training was being disturbed by his inventions and technology. Leo had gone with them to help with Donnie's training.

"Mikey" Raph called down to him. Mikey looked up at him.

"Yeh?" Mikey asked, curiously. Raph looked down at Mikey's soft blue eyes. His perfect green skin. The way his tongue was sticking out slightly, as it always did when Mikey was in the middle of a comic.

"I….eh…." Raph mumbled, before his sentence dead. Mikey kept looking up at him, waiting for a reply.

"I…I'm going out" Raph said, before jumping down to the level ground and running out of the door. As soon as the Lair's door was closed, Raph punched the sewer's wall, hard, and cursed himself, again and again. His knuckles started to bleed, but Raph didn't care.

Why was he feeling this?

And why couldn't he admit his feelings?

Raph walked for hours though the sewers. This was something he didn't normally do, but he had to think. Going topside held too many distractions. Beside, Master Splinter had forbidden any topside activity while he, Donnie and Leo were away.

Late in the evening, Raph made his way back to the Lair, his mind still racing with confusion.

The smell of pizza welcomed him and Raph knew that Mikey was making a pizza, probably with a dozen or so different toppings.

"Raph, is that you?" Mikey called from the kitchen.

"Yeh" Raph called back, slouching down on the sofa. Mikey came out of the kitchen, wiping his flouring hands.

"I was starting to worry about you" Mikey told him, "Where have you been?" Raph shrugged and turned on the TV. He could feel Mikey's confused stare on him. There was a short silence before Mikey decided to break it again.

"Donnie rung" Mikey told Raph, "Sensei found the laptop he sneaked there and has taken it away, the lack of high-tech stuff is really getting to Donnie, he asked me to take the phone to his lab so he could see it and he was actual talking to the junk in there" Mikey laughed, "You should have heard him"

Raph would have said something funny back, if he had been listening, but his mind was full of thoughts.

"Raph, what's wrong?" Mikey asked, jumping down to the sofa. Raph shrugged, almost creeping along the sofa away from Mikey.

"Whatever's wrong, I might be able to help" Mikey said, sitting down next to Raph.

"You wouldn't understand" Raph replied, looking at the TV.

"I know I'm no Donnie, but-" Mikey started, looking hurt.

"Donnie wouldn't even understand" Raph told him.

"It can't be that bad" Mikey said, almost gently. He put his hand on Raph's shoulder. A wave of electricity ran though Raph at the feel, and he pulled away in shock. Mikey looked hurt and he stood up.

"Why are you always pushing me away?" Mikey whispered, tears already coming to his sensitive blue eyes.

"Mikey…." Raph sighed, wishing he could tell his youngest brother what was really wrong.

"No! you've been doing it for weeks now" Mikey nearly yelled, "You never speak to me, you barely go near me" tears were streaming down Mikey's face, "You don't even look at me anymore, what have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, Mikey" Raph said, looking away from him. Raph felt ashamed that he had made Mikey think that.

"We use to be able to talk about anything…remember" Mikey cried. Raph didn't say anything.

"Look at me!" Mikey demanded. Raph sighed again and looked at his beloved brother. Mikey's blue eyes were glistening with tears. Raph just wanted to gather Mikey up in his arms and kiss the pain away.

Raph took a deep breathe, closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"See!" Mikey cried, "You can't even look at me, I don't want us to like you and Leo, I…I want us to be able to talk to each other"

"Mikey…" Raph tried, but Mikey cut him off.

"God, I hate you sometimes" he said, before running off. Raph sat there, shocked for a moment, before he felt his heart break in two. He ran after Mikey.

"Mikey!" he yelled, coming to his little brother's closed bedroom door and banging on it.

"Mikey, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" Raph said, desperately. He could hear Mikey crying inside.

"I don't know what's happening to me, I…I'm just confused right now, I don't want to be like this…please, don't say you hate me, because if you hate me, I won't be able to live with myself…please, Mikey!"

Raph felt tears come to his eyes. He lent his head against the wooden door and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he said again. He stayed like that for a while, until the pizza started to burn and had to take it out before the thing caught fire.

After that, Raph went to the living area and watched the TV. He felt himself shake in grief, and he roughly wiped the tears away. Soon, his body turned tired and he fall asleep.

Raph was awakened by someone sitting next to him. Raph slowly opened his eyes.

Mikey was sitting on the sofa next to him, his head resting on Raph's shoulder. Mikey was crawled up so close to Raph, it was a surprise he wasn't on Raph's lap. His hand was lying on Raph's thigh, and the touch alone was making Raph squirm.

Mikey didn't realise that Raph had woken up, so was shocked when Raph took hold of Mikey's hand. He looked at Mikey, whose eyes were red and aflame.

"Mikey…" Raph whispered, gently stroking Mikey's hand with his thumb. Mikey didn't say anything, but he had a slight puzzled look on his face. Raph looked into his blue eyes, and couldn't resist any longer.

He bent forward and slowly kissed Mikey on the lips. Mikey completely tensed up, but Raph didn't care. He continued to gently kiss him. Raph was trying to explain everything he was feeling though that single touch. He was just about to pull away, when, to his great surprise, Mikey moved his lips with Raph's. Raph smiled, and pulled Mikey closed, deepening the kiss, slightly. They broke away and Raph opened his eyes. Mikey looked confused, and almost scared.

"Raph…?" he whispered.

"Shhh…." Raph whispered back, pulling him closed and embracing him. He looked down at Mikey, who licked his lips, nervously. Raph bent down and kissed him again, this time more furiously. Mikey kissed back, slipping his tongue into Raph's mouth. Mikey lent backwards, bring Raph with him. Raph moved his mouth downwards, now kissing Mikey neck. Mikey moaned slightly, closing his eyes and leaning his head back so his neck was more exposed.

"This…isn't right" Mikey whispered, moaning.

"But…does…it…feel…wrong?" Raph asked, in-between kisses. He worked his way up to Mikey's mouth again and kissed him, letting all his emotions spill out.

They continued to kiss for a little while longer. Mikey kissed back just as much as Raph. Raph let his hands explore Mikey's beautiful body, as their mouths met again and again.

Half-an-hour later, Raph was sitting on the sofa, with his back against the armrest. Mikey was lying in his lap, his eyes half closed. Raph had his arms wrapped around him, his thumb slowly stroking Mikey's shell. Raph was smiling, looking down at his brother.

He couldn't believe he had actual got to kiss the turtle he had fallen in love with.

It had felt wonderful!

So right! So amazing!

"Raph?" Mikey whispered.

"Mmmm?" Raph smiled, tightening his hold slightly on Mikey.

"What…what did we…we just do?" he asked, nervously. Raph could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Raph bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

"I just showed you all that I had been feeling for the past few weeks and you responded" he whispered into Mikey's ear. Mikey looked straight ahead of him, glazing at the blank television scene.

"But…but…we're brothers" he said. Raph felt his heart sunk at these words, but he couldn't let these wonderful feelings go.

"What does your heart say?" Raph asked, realising too late that that sounded really cheesy. He looked down at Mikey.

Mikey didn't reply for a long while, and Raph half feared that he had fallen asleep. But then Mikey slowly lifted his head, and looked into Raph's eyes. He kept that connection before pressing his lips firmly against Raph's. Raph let Mikey led the kiss, but pulled him closer to his body. Raph thanked the Lord, and closed his eyes.

"Raph….?" Mikey said again, just as Raph was drafting off to sleep. They were both lying on the sofa, with Mikey's back against Raph's stomach and chest. Raph still had his arms wrapped around Mikey.

"Yeh?" Raph mumbled, warmly, against Mikey's neck.

"I don't hate you" Mikey told him. Raph smiled, and gently kissed Mikey neck as Mikey grabbed hold of his hand.

"I know, Mikey" Raph said, and they fall asleep.

When Raph woke, the first thing he noticed was that Mikey wasn't next to him. Raph wondered if it had all just been another dream, and he sat up.

Raph yawned and made his way to the kitchen, frowning. There was a piece of paper on the kitchen table and Raph picked it up, immediately recognising Mikey's handwriting.

_Raph, _

_I've gone out to think. Last night was…well, weird. It wasn't right. It doesn't matter what my heart thinks. Those kind of feelings between brothers just isn't right. I shouldn't be feeling what I am and neither should you. Please don't come and found me, because I need to think alone. I'm sorry, I really am. _

_Mikey_

Raph looked at the letter and sighed, deeply. He was such a fool. A compete idiot.

Raph screwed the piece of paper up in his hand and walked to the dojo.

There, he started to punch the bag repeatedly. His hands started to hurt as he hit the punch bag again and again.

He was such an idiot!

Why couldn't he just keep his feelings to himself?

Why did he kiss Mikey?

It's probably ruined their whole relationship.

An hour later and Raph was still taking his anger and frustration out on the punch bag.

He fall to his knees, panting as his Shell Cell started to ring.

"He…hello" he panted, answering it.

"Raph?" Leo's voice sounded on the other end, "Are you ok?" Raph regained his breathe and replied,

"Yeh, just training"

"Ok then, how is everything there?" Leo asked. Raph heisted in answering, wiping his sweaty brow.

"Eh…yeh, fine…everything's fine" Raph said, quietly. Raph knew that Leo could tell he was lying.

"Where's Mikey?" he asked. A sob that had been trying to get out ever since Raph had found Mikey's note suddenly escaped, making his voice go high as he answered Leo's question.

"Out"

"Raph…are….are you crying?" Leo asked, sounding shocked.

"No, of course I'm not" Raph growled, cursing himself mentally. Leo knew not to push Raph so didn't say anything about the crying.

"Where's Mikey gone? Sensei told you two not to go topside"

"He hasn't gone topside, his walking in the sewers" Raph replied, hoping he was right.

"Is he ok?" Leo asked, concerned.

"Yes, trust me Leo, being stuck in this stunk hole for a week with only one face to keep you entrained can drive someone crazy" Raph explained, "He just needed some time alone" Leo sighed.

"I know what you mean, this week is driving me crazy as well, all Donnie talks about is his tech, he is worse then ever, I don't actual think this was a good idea of Master Splinter's" Leo told Raph. Raph laughed, uneasily. It was funny that Leo was actual disagreeing with Splinter for once.

"Are you sure everything's ok, Raph?" Leo asked, sounding worried. Raph took a deep breathe and answered.

"Yeh, Leo, everything's great here" Raph could actual hear Leo's disbelief.

"Ok, but if Mikey doesn't get back soon, go and look for him" Leo ordered.

"Yes, O 'Fearless Leader" Raph grunted before hanging up.

He gave the punch bag another punch, before getting up and dragging himself to the kitchen to eat something.

The hours passed slowly, as Raph sat in front of the TV and watched endless programmes. All he could think about was Mikey's lips against his. The smell of Mikey against him. Their tongues meeting.

Raph realised that he must have drafted off when the 10 o'clock news came onto the TV. Raph got up and yawned, before turning off the television and going to his room. He climbed into his hammock and tried to rock it gently enough so he could get to sleep.

But sleep wouldn't come as Mikey drafted into his mind again. Raph realised that he longed to smell Mikey, to have his sweet odour draft around him.

Raph got up from his hammock and walked into Mikey's room. The room was dark, and Raph felt his way over to Mikey's bed. Raph shivered as he laid under the cold covers, but he soon begin to warm up as his body heat was trapped in-between the sheets and the cover that he pulled up to his chin. Raph shut his eyes as he inhaled Mikey's smell.

Raph laid there for ages, just listening to the drips of water, dripping in the sewers around him. He embraced himself with Mikey's bed cover, and his ancient blanket.

He was semi-conscious, when the Lair's door opened. His mind awoke, as he heard footsteps creep to his bedroom and his door open. The footsteps stopped for a minute, before leaving and slowing heading towards the room that Raph was in.

The door opened, and Raph's eyes opened to see Mikey standing in the doorway. He looked at Raph in puzzlement. Raph considered sitting up, but his tired body refused to move. The only thing Raph could do was look at Mikey with sleepy eyes.

Mikey didn't seem to mind though, and he quietly walked over to the bed, and laid down next to Raph.

"Mikey….I'm sorry" Raph whispered. Mikey didn't say anything. But took Raph's hand and squeezed it.

"I'm so stupid" Raph said, but Mikey shook his head.

"No, Dude, you're not" he then kissed Raph firmly, letting Raph know it was all ok. Raph wrapped his arms around Mikey, craving for more.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Raph asked as they broke apart. Mikey closed his eyes, and nuzzled his head into Raph's shoulder.

"Yes" Mikey whispered into Raph's shoulder. Raph smiled and brought Mikey closer to him. They both fall asleep like that, more then just brothers.

**Ok, I just want to say that I have always vowed never to write turtlecest, because I didn't think it was right, but I came across a comic on the internet of turtlecest and I really liked it. Soon I discovered more fanart and fanfiction and it did grow on me against my better judgment. And then the plot bunnies came, and in big bunches. So I have now got six turtlecest stories of all the turtles paired up with each other. This is the first one. **

**Flame as much as you want, but please review because I love reviews :) Thanks **


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